Screw You, Facebook

Screw you right in your ear.

Human Barometer

Tiny little ringlets all over my head which my Mother, of course, thinks is adorable.

Planning Ahead

It may seem counter-intuitive but the thing is I was kind of peckish and salt and vinegar anything is pretty much guaranteed to be delicious.

Update: I also forgot which side of the car the steering wheel is on. Derp.

Good Call

It was an excellent nanna nap.

Inferior Materials

This message brought to you by the fact that every now and then, without warning, eucalyptus trees try to drop branches on you.
Big branches.
No warning.

A Question Of Scale

Ugh! Fine! Next time I'll get you the 5 kg bag, OK!?

Crazy Pills

The physio gave me exercises, she told me that the best time to do them was after exercise because the muscles would be warmed up and responsive, I take my walk at lunch time, therefore I have to do my physio exercises at work.

More than more woman at work told me I was 'brave' for doing my exercises where people could see me, that they would never have dared, and then went on to explain how they were now permanently crippled.
IT WAS SO F#@&ING DEPRESSING!
You were so scared of looking a little silly in front of people who probably don't give two short shits about you that you let yourself end up with permanent injuries?
Why didn't you do the physio exercises when you were at home?
Oh, you didn't have time because you were taking care of your partner and/or children?
WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE TIME!?

So depressing.

Spare Parts

My cupboard isn't really full of squiggles, I'm just bad at drawing clutter.
Wisdom teeth in a jar make such a lovely clattering, rattling noise.

Contagion Legacy

Everything is covered in germs and we're all going to die.
And thanks for nothing, Jude Law, you asshat.

Contagion

YOU TOUCH YOUR FACE ALL THE TIME!
AND THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU NOTICE IT!

Responsible Decision-making

This happens a lot of days.

My Reasons

And I don't want the detectives to be judging me and my shitty filing! That'd just be embarrassing!

Orthodontic Clues

I guess I could have just woken part of the way up and removed my retainer by hand but I'd prefer to think it pinged off as I changed form.

Ambiguous Innovation

I mean, I guess it would give single parents a lucrative career option they didn't have before...

Menagerie

When I say 'went nuts'  don't mean that they all started chasing the animals around - though some did do that - they just got almost impossibly excited to the point where they were vibrating on the spot.

Itemised

I'm sure I look like a huge dork checking my purchases against a list but I look like a huge dork everywhere else so I'm pretty used to it.

CC BCC FWD

I'm not saying that we approve of people who put their pugs in Elizabethan dress, just that we're aware of them....

Attitude

I don't mean the only one who has ever knocked a glass of water into a cup of coffee and spilled both of them into a keyboard.
I mean when you try not to flip your shit and to be calm and positive but instead end up being super patronising to yourself, inside your own stupid head.

Glass Half Full / Glass Half Empty

You get one 'no dying' bee sting, right?
It's only after that first warning shot that you are in danger of carking it?

Preparing For Nepal

So much walking.
All hills, all the time.

Well, a lot of the time.

Career Path

And I wouldn't know what to wear...

Sunrise

I'm sure 3 am feels the same way to early-to-bed-early-to-rise people.
A slightly unreal time when you get the feeling that you shouldn't be awake and that it's impossible that anyone else could be either.

Covet Covet Covet

Fabric is one of those things that it is so hard to walk away from.
You know that you'll be able to find something to make out of that cute pattern.
You just know it!

Cousins

A couple of people have asked me what I thought about my cousin becoming a nun and I've been partway through explaining that I admire her dedication before I realise they're trying to gauge if I'm interested in joining her.
No.
I'm not.

The dinner was awesome.
The fun thing about cousins is you know each other so well but at the same time there's so much you don't know so once you all get to a certain age you can have some really hilarious conversations.

Back To Basics

So strong and broad and blunt and impossible to get underneath that stupid little tab!

Perfection

One of my top ten irresistible foods.

So Classy

Whatever they think I was doing, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have guessed 'extracting carrot'.

Also, everyone should watching this Gotye video about being on hold.

I Choose You

I mean just look at him.
That is a guy who will yell impassioned advice at the TV for the whole movie and then cheer and knock your popcorn over punching the air when the battle is won/the guy gets the girl/the monster is defeated.

Wriggly Bastards

This is what happened to me tonight and puppy juggling was only part of it.

Unexpected Feature

You just touch him or move him slightly and he seems to forget he was crying.
Of course the 'snooze button' moves every time so you have to get creative.
Also it doesn't work if he's hungry, then he will howl the walls down if you don't feed him quick.